Tuesday, 19 June 2012

All about loving the one you got

‘It’s not about getting the one you love, It’s all about loving the one you got’ – badshah.net

OK so it's a play on the quote ' Life isn't about getting what you want, it's all about wanting what you got ' - by I'm not sure who came up with it, but it’s pretty good.

In life we become deaf to sounds which are playing/ around us on a constant. One example of this is the beep allot of smoke detectors make. When on the phone to a friend I notice every beep, but he is now functionally deaf to the beeps.

The same goes for all the amazing qualities our partners have. We become in a way deaf/ blind to these. We have to actively ponder every few months on all those qualities we fell for them in the first place.

Another aspect of this is actually romancing your partner. As a man, and this is only my take on the matter I've come to learn that all women like, love and really enjoy romance. It doesn't really come natural to most men, but that's OK. We just need to work on it.

The easiest way to do this after many years of marriage, is to act like your teenage self, start thinking like you did then.

You dressed to impress, you smelled nice, and you send cheeky text messages, the odd flower, card, meal out. When you were with them, you weren’t on the phone or watching TV etc, you gave them your full attention. You get the idea. Now this doesn't need to be a 24/7 behaviour, but for most of us men it does need to be actively planned and done on frequent but irregular time. The act of actively romancing ones partner induces love. So put something in your phones diary to remind you to do something romantic.

Note: being romantic is not about the money for most women (so they say), it is about the thought that has gone into the gesture. Buying red roses when she's informed you in a conversation she thinks they're over rated, means you buy some other variety of flowers. Better still grow some native variety in the garden or a community area (guerrilla gardening is awesome), and occasionally cut and tie some in a bundle and present them to her.


  1. Should you really settle for second best? And love the one you got? Dnt chase love, have love find you, thats why its called 'falling in love' and you shouldnt force it. How can you love the one you got when uve already fallen for the one you love?

  2. Thanks for the comment Samdam, but why are you busy falling for anyone other then the one you got? What Imean is if I'm busy romancing / loving, giving my attentions to the one I'm with I. E my wife, i'll not have the time, and energy to chase another.

    But my post is my veiw on life. I'm into the whole, 'get married, then fall in love with them, then have children and if problems / disagreements occur, both sides try thier best to fix them' ethos.

    But who a person chooses to marry should be based heavily on a simaler life direction. Also ture love based on mutual respect, trust and support should not be confused with lust and infatuation.

    Just my thoughts & ramblings. Once again thanks for commenting, glad to know someone out there is reading the odd blog post.

  3. Hmmmm interesting......you r absolutely right u shouldnt be chasing love- exactly what i said in my comment. In my comment i was questioning whether u can fall in love after u have married when u were already in love with someone else before.So can u force love after marriage with ur wife.
    One definition of love i found: the most spectacular,indescribable deep feeling for someone.
    For me when ur in love u always want to be together and without them ur life is incomplete.This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions.Their needs come before ur own.
    Its when they r the last thing you think about before you go to sleepand when they are the 1st thing you think of when u wake up...the feeling that warms urheart n leaves u overcome by a feeling of serenity, love is intense n passionate. etc etc etc
    I can distinguish between lust n love, lust is wanting their body but love is wanting to be with their soul.

    Having said all this i absolutely agree with you u shouldnt marry for love because love can die n u can fall out of love. You should only love for the sake of Allah S.W.T.