All about loving the one you got

‘It’s not about getting the one you love, It’s all about loving the one you got’ – badshah.net

OK so it's a play on the quote ' Life isn't about getting what you want, it's all about wanting what you got ' - by I'm not sure who came up with it, but it’s pretty good.

In life we become deaf to sounds which are playing/ around us on a constant. One example of this is the beep allot of smoke detectors make. When on the phone to a friend I notice every beep, but he is now functionally deaf to the beeps.

The same goes for all the amazing qualities our partners have. We become in a way deaf/ blind to these. We have to actively ponder every few months on all those qualities we fell for them in the first place.

Another aspect of this is actually romancing your partner. As a man, and this is only my take on the matter I've come to learn that all women like, love and really enjoy romance. It doesn't really come natural to most men, but that's OK. We just need to work on it.

The easiest way to do this after many years of marriage, is to act like your teenage self, start thinking like you did then.

You dressed to impress, you smelled nice, and you send cheeky text messages, the odd flower, card, meal out. When you were with them, you weren’t on the phone or watching TV etc, you gave them your full attention. You get the idea. Now this doesn't need to be a 24/7 behaviour, but for most of us men it does need to be actively planned and done on frequent but irregular time. The act of actively romancing ones partner induces love. So put something in your phones diary to remind you to do something romantic.

Note: being romantic is not about the money for most women (so they say), it is about the thought that has gone into the gesture. Buying red roses when she's informed you in a conversation she thinks they're over rated, means you buy some other variety of flowers. Better still grow some native variety in the garden or a community area (guerrilla gardening is awesome), and occasionally cut and tie some in a bundle and present them to her.

Life is like gardening, not a box of chocolates

Just back in bed with the sheesha 06:00, off to work in two hours. Pondering how gardening is simaler to life.  

I've done the hard work on one of my beds. The second awaits. I know it's a great time to sow the field beans I have. Now I can't eat these beans. But they will add nitrogen and organic matter to the soil in the bed. The time to do this is now. I should get out of bed, have breakfast and get in the garden. The task of sowing the seeds and watering is easy and will take all of thirty minutes. The seeds will do all the wonderful work themselves. But they need to be planted now, by me. If the soil is to gain the nitrogen and organic matter which in turn will give me a better yield of fruit and vegetables.  

This right here is life. The planting of the seeds at the most effective time is an analogy of any given task which will benefit me or others in the future. Be it exercise, a piece of work, an act of kindness.   I can't expect the same benefits of the organic matter and nitrogen in July if I plant the very same seeds in July. I can't just cram a piece of work on the last few days and expect the same quality of assignments. I can't cram a months training on the mat in a weekend.  

So many tasks so little time. I've spent this long bank holiday weekend just lazing. No allotment, no garden, no exercise, no spiritual development. I did spend quality time with my wife and some friends over these last four days. So not a complete waste.   Little and often is my new method.

Now to map out the right direction of travel. I don't mind the journey taking more time, as long as I'm still heading in the right direction.

Book Review by badshah.net: Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson

This is one of the first autobiographies I audio booked about 4 or 5 years ago. I was truly moved by what this man endured and did for a cause he truly believes in. And bigger then that he feels it is a solution to many global problems. The audio book is very well read, and I was immersed in Greg's life, as the reader continued.

I hope the 'Stones into Schools' is just as intriguing and motivationally moving.
As a Muslim male born and brought up in U.K I'm always curious when I come to hear of western aid/ charities operating in this region of the world. But this book sheds light on the motive and method of Mr Mortenson. I can't really judge the effects of these schools as I'm not in that region. But I can not fault the theory and efforts of this man. 

NOTE: For those ridiculing this man for taking a paid wage, and coming back to the U.S to rest up and meet family. I think we should keep in mind, that if we are to set a positive example for others to follow. Then it's important that it's easy to replicate it and allows others to also visualise themselves doing similar projects. This man deserves his $60-120k a year or whatever amount it is, far more then any investment banker/ career politician/ athlete or other such profession which is highly paid in ratio to the educators/ medical/ food producing workers of that society

Link to Amazon Review

Kettle que

So I'm waiting for a very tall English dude in the kettle que. I take a seat and pull out my huge phone. Samsung Galaxy Note, he spots it and the conversation flows think and fast.

Turns out we both own land out in Indonesia, and want to work less hours and give somthing back to community.

Here's to new friends and acquaintances.

Book Reveiw-ish: The Age of Absurdity; Why modern life makes it hard to be happy by Michale Foley

I saw a Facebook status by a Facebook friend (as I've yet to meet them in real life) about this book, and looked it up on Amazon. After reading a few reviews I was sold. But in on my path of simplicity and decreasing possession I'm using the invaluable resource of http://www.londonlibraries.gov.uk/ where I sign in and have the book reserved at a local library.

I liked it. It's a well written easy read. Mr Foley covers many topic areas ranging from work to love and pretty much describes almost all the unhappiness each one of our thought processes when we hit the age of questioning what's it all about.

He gives no real answers but does a great job of showing us that the current norms are not the way.  I enjoyed his broad spectrum of research and quotes form a vast timeline as well as people of diverse fields of speciality not just philosophers.

A book worth reading, but not worth buying and keeping (in my new attempt to streamline). I do love libraries.

I didn't go into to much detail about the contents of the book, because you can do that by visiting Amazon 

click here for this review on Amazon

Wanting what you got

So I'm rushing to Jumma (Friday Prayer) and a meek polite man stops me and makes salaam. I reply and he asks where the nearest Masjid is. I inform tell him to follow, he looks at his watch. Turns out he has an interview at 14:00 and wondering if he can get Jumma and make the interview on time.

I wait, let him make his own mind up on this one. He tells me to walk on, and follows. I also need to be back before 14:00 as I have to teach an IT lesson. And on route I ask him a few questions.

He's from India, just completed his Masters in Business Finance and today will be attending an interview for security work at the way in from Hounslow. I did feel for him. so soon as Imam said salaams for the two rakaat, we where off and walking fast back to Stratford Broadway. I pointed him in the right direction when I got to my office, and he had 12 minutes to left to make an 10 minute journey.

I wish him all the best and we parted with Salam. Allah bless this man, as in his shoes I'd most likely skipped Jummah and prayed Dhur on my own.

I do feel for economic immigrants that I come across, the pressures they must be under, the hopes their families back in their homeland have. Then to be in effect be treated as a second class citizen when they out gun their transgressors in academic terms on a ridicules level. Then there's the alienation, lack of and family or friends when first getting to U.K.

Some might argue why come, why not go back? not easy, like I mentioned their family have high hopes. If they could get a well paid job where they came from. They'd not have left.

Then the irony, of a thought / comedy type sketch in my mind of me standing in Stratford Westfield, born and bread east London dreaming of a self sufficient small scale farm in a rural area of say India. Then there's scene change and a Indian small scale farmer dreaming of being in a Westfield type environment.

It's not about getting what you want, it's about wanting what you have got.

Flunking A-Level Psychology

I studied A-Levels at Epping Forest College. One of the subjects I took was psychology. Oh how I flunked this in epic fashion. I ended up with a N for my final grade. For those who don't know N stands for near miss. As in you nearly got an E, but not quite.

I came across a really great Ted Talks video on psychology and it just jogged my memory of my very short stint studding this field.

The video covers the one thing which extremely happy people have allot of in compariosn to the unhappy.